


Stargate Filks

by Caylin, Gussyman



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, Lyrics of some songs set to the Stargate series, Uh it had to be done. Our muses were drumming away, We weren’t even drunk, apologies to the singers and songwriters, idk - Freeform, oh so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 00:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17693990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caylin/pseuds/Caylin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gussyman/pseuds/Gussyman
Summary: Uh, song lyrics we co-opted to suit the Stargate Sg-1 universe.  The songs will tell you how old these are.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No, we weren't drunk just very .....dementedly happy about finishing a fic and so we did this. Run. You have been warned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to Lou Bega. If you go forth you'll understand why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t own them, wish we owned two or three. Borrowed them and put them back the same way.(Drat) Not making any money of this. We had to do it.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mambo #5, SGC Style

(Jack)  
One, two, three, four, five  
Everybody through the ‘gate, so come on  
Let’s ride to the Room of Light around the corner  
But I really don’t wanna  
Be bored like I was last week  
I rule the heap  
Because Gou’alds are cheap  
I like Cassandra, Kynthis, Laira and Sara

And as I continue you know  
They are getting  
So what can I beg you my Co  
To me fishing is just like a sport, anything fly  
It’s good let me dump it  
Please sit on the summit

Chorus 1  
A little bit of Harriman in my life  
A little bit of Urgo by my side  
A little bit of Carter is all I need  
A little bit of Davis is what I see  
A little bit of Daniel in the sun  
A little bit of Hathor all night long  
A little bit of Master Teal’C here I am  
A little bit of you makes me your man

(Daniel)  
I jump up and down and move it all around  
Jack’s head shakes to the sound  
Me digging in the ground  
Take one pit left  
Take one shard right  
One to the front and one to the side  
Shoot your zat once  
And shoot your zat twice  
And if it looks like death  
Then you are doing it right

Chorus 2  
A little bit of Amounet in my life  
A little bit of MacKenzie by my side  
A little bit of O’Neill is all I need  
A little bit of Hammond is what I see  
A little bit of Cha’ka in the sun  
A little bit of Katherine here I am  
A little bit of them makes me a man

(Carter)  
I do all  
To fall in love with a guy like you  
You can run and you can hide  
You and I gonna take a ride

Chorus 3  
A little bit of Machello in my life  
A little bit of Asgard by my side  
A little bit of Jonas is all I need  
A little bit of Orlin is what I see  
A little bit of Jacob in the sun  
A little bit of Martouf all night long  
A little bit of Nareem here I am  
A little bit of me makes them my men


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of the same. This time Apophis’ thoughts to the song. Apologies to Coolio.

Goa’uld’s Paradise

As I walk through the valley in the shadow of death  
I look at my empire and realize the Taur’i reign  
‘Cuz I’ve been stealing and killing so long, that  
Even my Queen thinks my mind is gone  
But I ain’t never snaked a slave that didn’t deserve it  
Me be treated like a pest you know that’s unheard of   
You better watch how you’re talking and where you’re ‘Gating  
Or you and your teammates might be lying dead  
I severely dislike having to retreat  
As I flee I see myself in the staff weapon smoke  
I’m the kinda God the little snakes want to be like  
On my throne on Chulak, watching my Jaffa fight

Been spending most their lives, living in the Goa’uld’s paradise  
Been spending most their lives, living in the Goa’uld’s paradise  
Keep spending most their lives, living in the Goa’uld’s paradise  
Keep spending most their lives, living in the Goa’uld’s paradise

The system situation, they got me facin’  
I can’t live a normal life, I was raised by the genes  
So I gotta beat down the Taur’i team  
Too much time and inbreeding got me chasing Taur’i  
I’m a contemptuous fool with revenge on my mind  
Got ribbon in my hand and my Jaffa before me  
I’m a low-down, no-good, dumb-ass panicked snake  
And my Jaffa are loyal so don’t arouse my ire  
Death ain’t nothing but a heartbeat away  
I’m stealing life, do and die, what can I say  
I’m a System Lord now, but will I live long enough to stay  
Unclear, the way Taur’i are fighting

Been spending most their lives, living in the Goa’uld’s paradise  
Been spending most their lives, living in the Goa’uld’s paradise  
Spending most of our lives, living in the Goa’uld’s paradise  
Spending most of our lives, living in the Goa’uld’s paradise   
Tell my why are we. So blind to see  
That the one’s we hurt, are you and me  
Tell me why are we, so blind to see  
That the one’s we hurt, are you and me

(fade out)


	3. Mouth Danny’s Version

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last one I swear. Apologies to Merril Bainbridge.

Mouth Danny’s Version

I feel like my heart’s torn apart  
There are issues here I don’t know what to do  
I don’t know what to do  
Drug me through my sexy lips  
Bet you fell a little snaky but for me  
I’ll be killing all you Goa’ulds

Why is it my fault that I can turn you on?  
Why is it so bad that I can turn you on?  
When I kiss your mouth I wanna kill you  
Turn me inside out, Don’t wanna kill me

I jump on you, you jump on me  
You dope me up and even though you know I’m stuck here  
I’d be inclined to stay a little more  
When you need the sacarphogus  
You will seem a little crazy but for me  
I’ll be with my family

Why is it my fault that I can turn you on?  
Why is it so bad that I can turn you on?  
When I kiss your mouth I wanna kill you  
Turn me inside out, Don’t wanna kill me

Why is it my fault that I can turn you on?  
Why is it so bad that I can turn you on?  
When I kiss your mouth I wanna kill you  
Turn me inside out, Don’t wanna kill me

Now will it be my fault, if I take your host  
And set her free, you might resist me  
But you can’t really blame me  
And you will know you’re blown apart  
Time to say good-bye to one more Goa’uld  
And I know what to do

Why is my fault that I can turn you on?  
Why is it so bad that I can turn you on?  
When I kiss your mouth I wanna kill you  
Turn me inside out, don’t wanna kill me

When I kiss your mouth I wanna kill you  
Turn me inside out, don’t wanna kill me

When I kiss your mouth I wanna kill you  
Turn me inside out, don’t wanna kill me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over. If you made it this far you're a brave soul.

**Author's Note:**

> Is it so awful?


End file.
